This journal entry, composed over the last ten hours contains
Anti-Social Behavior
What I've been up to
Plans and goals
Stuff to worry about
and
Grief


ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR
Ah. Lesee.
I've been anti-social. Even by my online standards.

So in the last month I've spoken to: Daddy, Sarah, Momma, a couple of Daddy's friends (and then only three word answers at most), and Danielle (because she sent me a message that made it sound like it was really important that I call her, only she just told me how she was making cookies and going to seaworld). Via the internet, I talked to Letty and Pinto about a month ago on msn. Other than that I've only been talking to people I've never met in real life via dA. Not that it makes them less of people, it just means that there is no direct contact and there isn't even the chance of them getting me to leave my house.

Wow. I'm almost like a hermit.

WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO
I did re-burry my sisters cat that the dog dug up. I had to go around the yard and collect all the decomposing kitty parts which smelled really bad.

A couple days ago I was watering my birds and aloe vera and discovered one of my babies that couldn't fly yet somehow managed to get out of the cage. Chased it around the yard, picked it up and but it back in the aviary to discover that there was a crack near the bottom of the door where it wouldn't close all the way. Daddy tried to fix it with a hammer. That didn't work so we had to build a new door entirely.

Then it rained. This baby bird can't fly and keeps getting out of it's house and onto the floor, so I was woried about it in the rain. It was raining hard and fast, so I put my leather coat over my head, grabbed a flashlight and ventured into the backyard. Which was flooded. So I went around the giant puddle to get to my birds, meaning I took the long way. By the time I got to my birds I realised that my coat plan didn't work, from the billy button up I was dry, but the rest of me was soaked through. My pants were practically plastered on. And I was cold. It's just not right to be cold in July.
The birds were all perfectly fine.
Deciding that I wanted in the house now and didn't want to take the long way, I went though the puddle, whicked went up to my ankles even with my platforms on. I didn't get muddy so much as I got my feet coated in the stuff that floats on top of the puddle.

I've been watching movies... >.> Lots of Star Trek. I've been drawing (a little). Mostly I've been reading fanfiction. Saiyuki mainly, Some Harry Potter which oddly enough actually have Harry in it. One in which during his 7th year he goes back in time and 7th year Sirius falls in love with him *twitches*, One in which Snape is really Harry's father and Harry goes to live with him in the summer before his fourth year once they find out about their relation. Then Draco's parents get but in prison and he becomes Snapes foster son, so now Harry and Draco are basically brothers... *twitches again* Another (Epilouge compliant) in which all of Harry's kids are now at Hogwarts and Harry is teaching Muggle Studies because he and Ginny are having problems. Albus and Scorpius are best friends. Draco is the Potions Professor and Harry and Draco have become friends... only now they are starting to become more than friends. It's Drarry. *slams head on desk* The sad thing is. I'm enjoying these fanfics and it is really distyurbing me. After two whole years, Thanks to a recent brilliant one shot by Thundera Tiger, I have gravitated back to Lord of the Rings fanfiction and am currently working my way through the over 200 LotR fanfics that have been waiting in my Authors Alert folder...  By the way, I'm really upset cause I've been waiting like 6 months for the new chapter of Harry Potter and the Forgotten Heirs (Which is amazing Gundam Wing Harry Potter cross over... Also Drarry but I could care less because it is amazing)
I've read nothing except fanfiction and the first chapter of "Good Omens".

PLANS AND GOALS

So, next week I go job hunting. There is a collection of businesses about a mile from my house. I can ride a bike up there all should be good.. Right now I'm starting to get stressed though.

I'm trying to get in touch with my older sister: Tiffany again. For those of you who don't know, I haven't seen or heard from her since I was like... 8 years old...
She's in her late twenties now, maybe even early thirties... I found her younger brother on myspace. (Who I am not related too, thats the thing with half siblings, I have two sisters related to me by blood that are not related to each other. Each of my half sisters have a younger brother related to them by blood without being related to me in any way. Oh the joy. At least Sarah is a full sister.) I'd actually found him before a couple years back and he wouldn't give me her contact information so I gave him mine to pass on to her. I don't think he did... I actually hope he didn't cause if he did that means she wants nothing to do with me... Of course, I think the whole not hearing from her in 11 years might be a sign of that anyway... I just sent him a message on myspace again.... *sigh*

STUFF TO WORRY ABOUT

I think I've been sick. I don't know... It's like I just don't want to eat. The thought of food turns my stomach. Of course I eventually feel hungry and then I eat, but no matter how good the food tastes I don't really enjoy it and I don't eat, CAN'T eat as much as I used to. I can hardly chock down half a bowl of beefaroni before haveing to wrap it up and put it away for later. It took my four hours to eat a bowl of spegettiohs the other day. It's not right. I used to eat a lot, I used to eat when I got bored, but now eating is a chore.

I'm not feeling too awesome. I've been stressing about needing a job and thinking about how to go about finding one for days now. Next week I start the actual searching. But lately I'll just be sitting there and if I don't keep my guard up this horrible feeling comes over, like something has grabbed onto my insides and squeezed. It makes me feel really bad sick to my stomach...

GRIEF

A few minutes ago I found out that a guy I used to go to school with died a couple weeks ago... I don't know how it happened, just that it did. It's kinda shaken me. We were never really friends and even though sometimes I expressed dislike for him I got over that. I always kind of reguarded him as I don't know... I guess I liked him in a way... Not liked liked, but I didn't not like him. Yeah he did stupid stuff. Yeah he did annoying stuff, but he grew up a bit and he was a decent enough person... I can't really remember any thing specific anymore... It wasn't that long ago that I knew him either. Anyways he was younger than me... Not sure how much younger, but I know he would have turned 19 sometime later this year. He was born in 89, like me. He was still 18 when he died though... Would still be 18 if he were alive... I've never known any one my age or younger that has died before. Sure you hear about it all the time, but I've never known them. I find it difficult thinking that he's dead and all. His sister made a myspace in memory of him. It doesn't say how he died though and I really want to know... I'd ask her, but we were never friends. I actually can't stand that girl and even if I could, it would be in bad taste to send her a message saying "How did your brother die?"... I suppose I could tell her that I'm sorry for her loss, but I've never been good at giving comfort... I think there must be something wrong with me... It's actually not that fair to say I can't stand her. I haven't gone to school with her in a few years... two, three? I don't remember when she left... I'm sure she's grown over the years, I hope she's become a less antagonistic person... And I do feel sorry for her. she lost her older brother.
Is it wrong for me to want to know so badly how he died?
I can't even remember when we were last in school together. Me and him... 9th grade I think. Maybe tenth.... Was he even in the same year as me? I remember him but I don't remember anything specific... And still I feel this horrible feeling of grief for a boy I was never friends with who I haven't seen in so many years....

My dog is rearded. Once again, she needed hospitilization for her problem. This time in form of stitches under her front left doggy armpit. >.> Stupid dog. This time we don't even know what happened.

To start with the tales of Sadie's life threatening stupidity, years ago she got out of the yard, the neighbors saw what happened. It was night time and Stupid... I mean Sadie... was standing in the middle of the road. According to the neighbors she was eating something. A car came and hit her in the head... It ran over her completely, but luckily she was in the midle and didn't experiance any tires. She must of hit her head on the underneath of the car.
So she is in shock, runs off around the block and sits against oyr back gate, the neighbors told us she got hit and ran off so we went looking and found her. This was late at night, she we had to take her to an Emergency vet. Stitches on the huge gash on her head, a cute little bandage taht looked like a bonnet, and a concusion. 400 odd dollars. <.<

The second time. Some people came over, Sadie went out to greet them and was naturally very excited. Like always. Anyway, we are all going inside and the dog is still hyper excited "OMG THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE!!!!" So on her way into the house she runs into my Daddy's truck (which doesn't even run because there isn't a gas tank) Anyway, the fender has this sharp edge on it, so Sadie ends up ripping her side open. It was pretty long and went through the muscle. Again: late at night, emergency vet and another 400 + dollars along with stitches and this time a draining tube!

Which brings us to last night at about 11pm. This time we don't even know what happened. Sarah and the dogs are out back. No, I don't know why Sarah was in the backyard at eleven at night. So she says that the dogs were barking at something and running across the back yard when Sadie suddenly started crying. Sarah says it looked like Sadie was caught in the hammock (which doesn't make sense, cause we keep it up fairly high and she couldn't have done what she did on the hammock) anyway, she takes of behind the aviary and I wasn't out there so I don't know.. I just know I was sitting at the computer and Sarah was all "Rachel get Daddy!!" and I'm putting my shoes on and asking her what her issue is when I hear Sadie whining, At the momment I wasn't sure what dog it is so I get daddy and am all "Daddy, somethings wrong with the dog" "What dog?" "I don't know" So we end up calling Momma and waking her up to come give me and Sadie a ride to (you guessed it!) The Emergency Vet, because Saide just can't get hurt during business hours. Now, I don't know if any of you know much about Emergency vet's but it costs 100 dollars just to have them see your pet. Even if they don't do anything it's 100 dollars. So, they look at her eyes, check her heat beat and breathing, take her temperature, and look at the wound... Which is like four inch slice along her armpit chest... and tell us that it is minor.
So they come back with the estimate, 900.00 -1100.00 dollars... Yeah... No. So we paid the 100 dollars for having her seen, took the dog and left. It was 1 am by then and she spent the nect 6 and a half hours on the floor... We stuch a clean rag over the wound and Duct taped her... >.> I had a lot of fun Duct taping the dog. A lot. In my defence, the Emergency vet told me to. So then we took her to a vet in the morning, we didn't make an appointment and because of that spent over an hour waiting. Once they looked at her, they told us that she definately needed stitches, they'd take her back, knock her out and we could pick her up at noon. How much was this going to cost? 150.00 much better than 900.00.

So now Sadie is all poor and wounded. She has pills! Stitches! A limp! And, to my great disappointment, due to the possition of the wound, she does not need an E-collar... Cause it's really entertaining when she randomly runs into walls and just stands with her cone pressed up against the couch in confusion.

Stupid Dog.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Rachel
2. Merle (Now y'all want to know who I actually convinced to call me Merle?)
3. Newman

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. R_Newman (and variants: R-Newman, R. Newman, RNewman, et cetera)
2. Gil_Tithen (and varients there of)
3. Gundamparticle

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm competitive
2. I'm loyal
3. I have hair?

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm a poor loser
2. I'm a poor winner...
3. I have people issues mainly in the not annoying and making friends with catagories.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. Greek
3. Irish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Cockroaches
2. Hights
3. Me driving..

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Breathing.
2. Beating heart.
3. Candy.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Pants
2. Shirt
3. Undergarments.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. Radiohead
2. Blue Oyster Cult
3. Shinedown

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. "Videotape" -Radiohead
2. "Faust ARP" -Radiohead
3. "Nemo" -Nightwish

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Getting a job.
2. Finish at least one of my stories (or in TNaE's case one part of)
3. Uh... Level 99 mining! WOO!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Nerdiness galore
2. Shared faith
3. To get my way.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. I don't Believe that dinosaurs could have existed in the way in which people are taught that the did. Because they didn't.
2. I believe that Whitch craft and fortune tellers do exist (well duh) but are in some cases real and in all cases evil.
3. I believe that the aliens are coming for us... soon, very soon.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Pretty eyes... and glasses that magnify them.
2. Hair that can be played with
3. A nice smile

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Anything that involves coordination
2. magic/mageing/whatever... and range/archery/whatever as applies to battle in video games specifically Runescape and Morrowind. I can do it in Fable and Sudeki, but that's because they make it impossibly easy on you and you don't really have to train to use it...
3. Morph.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Reading.
2. Runescape
3. Rollerskating

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Play Runescape
2. Eat hotwings...
3. Talk to someone

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Writer.
2. English/History Teacher.
3. Birthday Clown.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Greece
2. Middle Earth
3. The Moon

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Ottilie Clydene
2. Tobias Donovan
3. Eunice Hildegarde

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get married/ have a family
2. Finish my stupid stories
3. Be rich and famous.

Ha! I have three pages!!! And I've been working on it for less than two hours!!!

So I've realised with the Title page and Bibliography each taking a page, I only need 8 actuall pages of report... So that means I'm almost half way done!!!

I usually love ranting about Radical Feminists and their crazy, but have been unable to do so since picking my topic for the paper (some psychological type thing... like I can be reading the best book ever and be half way through it after reading it for a day or less and be assigned a book report that day, so I decide to do it on the book I'm already reading cause I'll be finished really soon and it is an awesome book. Yet as soon as I make the comitment to report on that particular book I lose all interest in it and it takes me up untill the night before the report is due to finish reading it because it is now school work and no longer fun.) but amazingly after strugling for a few paragraph I really got into it and am right back into ranting. Mind you, it will not be the best report ever, cause it is being thrown together like a rant. (Basically I'm reading articles on radical feminism and them dedicating paragraphs to them... I just got done with the woman earn 59 cents for every dollar men earn paragraph... pointing out that while the statistic is real, the feminists have manipulated it so that it sounds like unfair wages. It's not. Less women work than men and more men have higher paying jobs like that of a professional athlete and when they say women, they mean the house wives too, so it's not a sign of unfair wages at all, just unbalanced work force, but the feminists make it out that women aren't getting equal pay for equal jobs. They ARE getting equal pay. Feminists get on my nerves) Anyway, I just realised I had three pages and was so excited that I wasted my time typing up about a page worth of babble that is totally unrelated to my report and I could now be exactly half way done if it weren't for this little time out to tell people how far I had gotten. So, I just typed gotton... Which isn't that bad considering some of the creative spelling I have throughout this lovely report... I think I'll use yahoo's sapell check to check the spelling before e-mailing it to school so that it takes less time to print it up tomorrow...

As I read more stuff about radical feminists a phrase keeps coming to mind... I think Dean Winchester said it... "Buckets of Crazy." I'm trying to decide whether I should title my essay that... Currently, the title under which I have saved it to my computer is "I Hate School"

By and by, Punk is great for report writing... 

I checked a Ramones cd out from the library yesterday. It has thirty songs on it, most of which I haven't heard. Some of the more interesting titles: "I Just Want to Have Something to Do", "Somebody Put Something In My Drink", and "The KKK Took My Baby Away"....  Okay, back to writing!